Saturday, January 29, 2011

Saturday Morning Hangover Post


In the middle of a deep Winter freeze, I woke up with a Vodka hangover. They're different from other hard liquor hangovers. I can feel the poison still moving through my veins. I drink water to dilute it from my body. It slowly works. I want to go back to bed and sleep for another 2 hours. Outside, the snow makes this bright white glare that forces you to squint. I've always hated bright light. There was another party last night. This one can be thrown into the dust bin of uneventful memories. I've been working so much and so hard that it seems I've forgotten how to party and let loose and have a good time. Work always stresses me out. I have nothing in common with my coworkers. This stresses me out big time. I'm at the wrong job. But, I have a job. I could be struggling now. Should I be thankful, or should I go back to bed?

Sunday, January 9, 2011

Memories.....


I've had some flashbacks of years past recently. Being a bit younger and a bit more fresh-faced while amongst a crowd of friends that have long since left my life. I used to have friends that lived in my building whose apartments I'd go over to hang out. We used to play video games and watch Ducktales after school. There was an abandon lot near a hill we called Dead Man's Hill. It was our little hangout spot. It was like exploring a little jungle to us kids, filled with danger and surprise. One time, me and my best friend made it to the abandoned gas station there and saw these kids throwing rocks at the door. They said someone was in there and we just watched them throw more rocks and hurl insults. They left and eventually we saw a crazy homeless man come out. He mistook us for the perpetrators who were throwing rocks at him and he smashed me and my friend in the head with a big rock. This resulted in a police report and a brain scan at a local hospital. Other times were more pleasant. There was a big rope that hung from a tree over a ditch that you could swing on like Tarzan. There was another ditch filled with garbage that we lit on fire many times. One time the fire got particularly big and the fire department came. It was overgrown with weeds in the summer making it a perfect for playing manhunt. It's sad that I have no pictures from this time in my life. Eventually it became an apartment building and parking lot.

Then there was my foray into metal culture in High school. There's something about heavy metal culture. Metals-heads will wear the same shit everyday. They will utter the word dude as often as possible. New York metal-heads throw in a bit of hip hop slang in it too. It's a culture that is more preserved and less in touch with the times. Hip hop culture changes by the minute, but a metal-head from '89 might look exactly like a metal-head from '98. They were working class kids mostly from Astoria. Greek, Italian, Irish, Eastern European. Music was always a topic of discussion, which made me insecure since when I first started hanging with them, I didn't know much about metal. You could be publicly tested at any moment of your heavy metal knowledge. There was a game we played where we'd form a circle and we'd have to name a metal band based on the alphabet starting from A. When you couldn't name one you were out. Only the most hardcore and knowledgeable metal would be left standing. There was a strict feeling of conformity I remember. That's why high school is never a good time for most. I didn't dress like a metal head, and didn't know shit about metal. My first jump into anything rock at all was believe-it-or-not Marilyn Manson. Then it was Nine Inch nails. I got into Industrial Metal first since I guess it's an easier transition from Hip Hop. Then I got into classic rock and only just barely got into the Thrash and Death Metal.

Sunday, January 2, 2011

Another Year Over, A New One Just Begun

So 2011 rang in as I downed my 4th White Russian. This year crept up on me like an unsightly nose hair does. Time really does seem to speed up as you get older. So what can I say about 2010? Last year was a mixed bag really. It had its ups and downs. My vacation to Asia was probably the highlight of the year. Summer 2010 was actually pretty awesome come to think of it in retrospect. My new extremely demanding job and the stress that goes along with it is probably one of the low points.

I've made no resolutions, and have not really thought much about any hopes or desires for 2011. I'm just taking it one day at a time.

Friday, December 24, 2010

It's Christ-mass time


What does Christmas time mean to an atheist? This is the time of the year when we are suppose to spend time with the family and be a little bit more generous. What's wrong with that you ask? Nothing. Nothing at all. Now of course I oppose the supernatural aspects of Christmas: Santa Claus, reindeer, Elves. We can still have the tradition, with out the supernatural elements. Like I said before, Halloween started out as a pagan tradition of dressing up in costumes to scare away evil spirits. We still dress up, but no one does it to scare away spirits anymore. So we can still keep certain traditions if they make sense, or if they are fun and pleasant. Halloween is fun. It allows adults to dress up and act like a kid for a day, or step out of their mundane existence and be a character they fantasize about.

Why not continue the celebration of Christmas? Let's be honest, Christmas in America today is all about consumption and business anyway. Putting a tree in your house was a pagan Scandinavian tradition, and not Christian. The supposed birthday of Jesus, December 25th, is in dispute. There is a plausible case that it might have been a Roman god's birthday that Christians have adopted into their tradition. In anyway, having a holiday that allows you to spend time with the family, especially when you aren't a family-type person like me, is something perhaps needed. Giving a little more is needed as well. Traditions can evolve and they can be purged of all of their supernatural elements, like the way Halloween has for so long.

So I'm not one of those atheists who wages the war on Christmas. Because when you really think of it, Christmas is all about money and consumption, neither of which are religious at all.

Sunday, December 19, 2010


Religion is the sigh of the oppressed creature, so said Karl Marx.

As an Atheist I reject the supernatural dimension. The material world is all that I believe exists. Recently, I have argued against the idea of fate, controlled by supernatural energy. A lot of "spiritual" people believe that there is energy that contains an intelligence behind it, that goes around fucking with people's lives to teach them a moral lessen. For example, this energy might make you almost get hit by a car, so that you'll appreciate you life more and thus, have a positive affect on your life. It's the idea of fate that I can't stand. It's the idea that supernatural elements are coming into life, and putting obstacles in front of me, challenging me, so that in the end, my struggle will teach me some life lessen that will uplift my character.

Now I don't deny that some struggles in life can in the end, make you a stronger person. What I reject is the idea that there is an intelligence behind it, whether you want to call it god or energy or balance or whatever. When attached to the supernatural dimension, the events in life that are either random, the result of misfortune, or the deeds of people acting in their own free will, this is where I draw the line.

Imagine almost getting hit by a car, and then reflecting on that and appreciating your life more and your loved ones. It's no wonder that so many people are inclined to think that this is fate at work here. I.E. god or spirits made you almost get hit by that car so that you'd value your life more, and respect and cherish those in your life more. Life lesson accomplished, and all that had to happen was for you to come within an inch of your life.

I argue, that could it be possible that it just happened? What about all the events in people's lives that lead to the becoming worse people? Where does fate play into that?

Monday, December 6, 2010

From Queens...


From Queens, the city is an emerald shining from afar. The early morning rays of a golden Sun glisten on thousands of tiny mirrors and reflect back at you. They are a mere twinkle in your eye. The pointy peaks and angled canopies of this metal forest get bigger as you approach aboard a rickety silver machine, passing ethnic neighborhoods as diverse as the world itself. There's the China-man standing next to you with the horrible breath, the Ecuadorian bundled up in a hoodie, face barely visible, the red-headed Mormon reading the Book of Latter Day Saints. You are all headed into the Emerald city to perform some seemingly necessary function that keeps it well oiled and operational. You look around. Some are yuppie suits with office jobs. Others work in restaurants, or in retail. As the train rattles over its skeletal bridge, you glance down at the morning paper with barely enough room to hold it in front of you. This could be any day, why does it have to be today? Your iPod is almost dying. Why does it have to be now? The doors open and let out the masses. Finally you have a chance to read the paper properly. You glance to your peripheral vision. Could this be a seat that has opened up? No, it's too good to be true. It'll be snatched up before you walk over to it. But it isn't. It's still available. You hesitate. Do you really need it as much as the old lady who just walked in? Why don't you let her have it? Keep reading the paper. There a conflict in Korea. The economy still stinks. You think about your job for a moment. Could it be worse not having one? Could you actually be the lucky one who is going to a job? Could your reality be someone else's dream? Then suddenly you realize you're not in Queens anymore. You're in the city. Hurry up and get to work young man, you'll be late.

Monday, November 29, 2010

Something Else To Mix With Soda


I was thinking of maybe taking this blog in a whole new direction. Perhaps writing more about my personal life and thoughts, and my experiences being a young man in contemporary New York. Sure there are thousands already doing that, but no one quite like me. No one is as crazy and weird. I got back into partying on the weekends. I love going out and meeting new people and losing myself in the moment. There's more to life than just being an Atheist. I can comment on each experience, each situation from an Atheistic perspective.

Saturday nights are best spent very intoxicated, and around a lot of people. A cool bar or lounge will do. A loud club will do too, on some occasions. Making out with a cute girl you just met on the dance floor will definitely do. Running your fingers through her hair while inhaling her scent will do even better. Getting kicked out of a bar after being falsely accused of selling cocaine in it will definitely not do. Looking for more girls to talk to after already making out with one is, well, what you do when you're drunk.

I'm in a weird state of affairs right now. I kind of want to settle down, and be monogamous to one special girl. But then a part of me wants to live the party life that is oh so glamorized. I suppose the right girl can change everything. Is there anything immoral about that lifestyle of debauchery and carnal lust? Everything in moderation is what I believe in, but periods of indulgence are hard to refrain from.

I have to admit that I have not forgotten how fun it was to party every weekend. During my college years, I was working the night shift as a security guard on the weekend. I was taking night classes and that was leaving me with literally no time for any partying. I was sleeping all day and working all night. There was a 2 year period where I think I might have went out less than a half-dozen times. 2008 was the most boring year of my life. This period of my life was my sacrifice, it was my propitiation, but of course not to any god. It was what I had to do to get where I am today, with not only a degree, or a job, but with a career. I have every right to party my ass off now. I sacrificed more than 2 years of the prime of my life, often falling into deep depression because of it.

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